Twas the night before in Seattle

"Twas the week before Christmas, and next to the Sound,
Not a creature was stirring, for all were snowbound.
Greyhound busses quit running, no matter the fare,
And the mail men and garbage said they just couldn't get there!

The children were sliding Queen Anne Hill on their sleds.
While roofs were collapsing on old people's heads.
And mamma in her boots and I in my cap,
Were stuck in the snow and ice and such crap.

When at the Home Depot there arose such a clatter,
I trudged from my car to see what was the matter.
A group of sad souls were waving their cash,
They couldn't buy shovels, they'd sold in a flash.

Tires were spinning and just wouldn't go,
And chains lay broken in the dirty old snow.
Then, what to my surprise did my eyes look over and see?
Eight representatives of SDOT,

With a fat politician so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it was Mayor "Salt Nick".
More rapid than gun bans, his excuses they came,
"To save our environment the roads stay the same!

On Broadway! On Boren! On Yesler and Denny!,
To clear off these roads would cost such a penny!
Sliding down Thomas and onto a wall!
The busses hung over I-5, ready to fall!

Still, he insisted it wasn't his fault,
As the world's greenest mayor he wouldn't use SALT!
That stuff's corrosive, could hurt the fish.
(But the Puget Sound's SALT WATER you ignorant kish !)

So snowy Seattle continued to stew,
But Mayor "Salt Nick" just hadn't a clue. [Mayor Greg Nickels]
While I stood there astonished, on nearby TV sets,
I saw the airport was packed, no de-icer for jets.

Since others couldn't get down the roads to the ferry,
The city decided to close Denny and Cherry.
Police cars and firetrucks were highly impaired,
Citizens got no impression that Mayor Salt Nick cared.

A house that caught fire, or a rape in progress,
Was less important than "going green" in Seattle - I guess!
An accident closed the I-90 bridge,
And people couldn't drive down Phinney Ridge.

Shovels, and salt had just flown off the shelf,
And I laughed when I heard him in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
He tried to convey we had nothing to dread;

He spoke many words, but did little work,
Yet Seattle knew they should never have elected this jerk.
Then thumbing his nose at his citizens' plight,
He turned to the crowd and exclaimed "We've done right!",

And then to his limo refusing to yield,
He left to get solar panels installed on Qwest Field.
But I heard him exclaim, as he skidded past me
"Happy Christmas to all, heck, I give myself a 'B' ".

from my friend Lisa.